tisdag 19 augusti 2014

Give up! Restart

"You can fail doing something you don't like, so why don't fail while trying to do something you like"

-PewDiePie (the world's greatest computer game commentator, b. 1989)

You have to try a lot of things to increase the likelihood of finding what you really like. That means you have to fail and restart a lot of times. Since you will fall anyway, when deciding whether to do something lucrative but boring or something uncertain but fulfilling, always choose the latter.

Why do we fall, Bruce?

Consider the fat CEO who used to enjoy surfing, climbing, fishing and eating shellfish, but spent his best years on law school and economics before wasting away and getting weak and fat in endless client and board meetings. When old and rich enough, he finally purchases a ridiculously expensive beach house to enjoy lonely lobster dinners. Sometimes he travels to luxurious wildlife resorts where servants more or less carry him around.

A lot of people sacrifice most of their lives doing meaningless and tedious work they hate, to be able to, as retirees, buy a house with a sea view and afford tuna, sirloin steak and lobster. Even the first homo sapiens living around South Africa's shore line 100 000 years ago had a better life than that, feasting on seafood and sea views all day long.

So, do what you like, instead of what you think you should do to impress others or maybe "succeed" or become "somebody". Some fail, some succeed, but that shouldn't really concern you.

That is being trapped in the prison of self-confidence rather than roaming the open plains of self-esteem.

Take cues from both game commenter PewDiePie and the famous Danish child psychologist Jesper Juul (Your Competent Child) and focus on enjoyment and self-esteem rather than tangible feats and self-confidence.

Remember that you have an intrinsic value as a human being which is not dependent on what you accomplish or do. Hence, just do stuff you like and remember that you can fail or succeed just as much, no matter if you like something or not. So, try many things and follow your heart. Dare to fail and give up, but do it wholeheartedly and then restart. And don't be a hater. Don't lecture or judge others' successes or failures. If a tennis player becomes a musician and you don't like his music, just leave it and him alone. He's the one doing what he likes, the one living life.

Just be a witness and a role model, rather than a lecturer and judge. And have fun. Enjoy life for you, not for others.

As a side effect of doing things you really like, you'll probably end up better off, both materially and spiritually.

I guess a lot of people in the manosphere probably have self-esteem issues and thus build upon self-confidence instead, always looking for ways to "score". My mission is to reduce that urge, going more for internal integrity and happiness; mindfulness instead of a rush to produce, accomplish, demonstrate and fish for praise.

Unfortunately, according to Juul, after the age of about 5 it is very diffficult if not almost impossible, to build true self-esteem. The secure knowledge of your intrinsic worth comes from early and unconditional love, without reference to actions and accomplishments. Once your parents strike out on that, by judging everything you do by "good", "bad", "pretty", "smart" etc., you are more hooked on confidence and praise than a meth-head is on crystal.

Summary: Dare to find out what you like, through trial and error. Try, fail and give up. Then restart, pick yourself up. And don't judge others when they are trying the same. Don't be a hater. Inquire and learn instead.

Final comment: I am very happy I lived my life they way I did. I would probably even have been happy if my career were a failure. However, looking back, I would never have chosen the same path again. It was indirect, boring and not at all "me". I am not a "suit", and I never were.

Now, I finally get to live life the way I was supposed to: reading, writing, learning, exploring, explaining instead of playing office, faking interest, calculating the incalculable and presenting it as fact...

5 kommentarer:

  1. Considering that you never would have chosen the same path again, what path would you have taken if you were a 20 year old student today do you think (and without the money you have now of course)? I mean "reading, writing, learning, exploring" isn't really an option in such a situation, especially without the skills and experience needed.

    1. Hi. I think the answer to that question deserves an entire post, so I thank you for the inspiration and will post a long answer soon. In the meantime, please remember that I consider experience and happiness much more worth than material wealth. I didn't know that beforehand, which is why I chose money. Now I know better.

    2. Den här kommentaren har tagits bort av skribenten.

    3. That would be greatly appreciated, looking forward to it. Love your blog!

    4. Thanks. The new post is up now.

      The short answer is programmer, teacher or personal trainer. I still think all three are valid career choices for a young man in 2014, provided you like them.

      Read it here: http://alwaysbebrucewayne.blogspot.se/2014/09/which-path-to-choose.html