torsdag 11 september 2014

Muppet mindset

I have a muppet mindset.

That is quite different from the gorilla mindset of some other bloggers, like Danger & Play and Bold and Determined.

I didn't choose to be a muppet, not more than I chose to be me (by billions of tiny forks in the road, which I invariably take when I come by them - as adviced by Yogi Berra)

Nota bene, that I still think it behooves any young man to try the ways of the manosphere; structured thinking, gorilla mindset, efficiency schemes etc. If it works for you, if it's compatible with the essence of you, if you have an innate capability or seed to become a structured and efficient gorilla, you should. You should at least try it. It's better to be a gorilla than a muppet, if you are a gorilla at heart. But it's better to be a muppet than a gorilla if a muppet is what you are. But if you somehow have a choice, it's better to be a gorilla, so make sure you listen to Mike and Ludvig, among others (not least including Tynan and his recent book), rather than follow my lead. And remember, if you can be Batman, then always be Batman ; )

As a muppet, I have always tried not to be in the way of other people. I kind of assumed everybody else had the same credo, but were less effective in their application (as they kept getting in my way). Quite late in life I discovered that that was not the case at all. Some actually even had a gorilla mindset, claiming their right of way on purpose, like Nietzscheans!

I could walk in a straight line on the sidewalk if I wanted to, and sometimes I do, but usually I actually feel sorry and responsible for the weak(er) individuals that get in my way, even though we get in each other's way by the exact same amount, and thus I keep ducking and dodging, walking in small arcs, to protect the lesser, inert beings around me. So, being larger and stronger than average, for me, with a muppet mindset, means I get (choose) a paradoxical disadvantage in crowds.

"It's better to be a gorilla than a muppet, if you are a gorilla at heart. But it's better to be a muppet than a gorilla if a muppet is what you are"

During my early years in school, I often got into fights. People bullied me for my clothes, accent and lack of money. I didn't care much about the reasons but if somebody pushed me, I pushed back, no matter how many or how big they were. I simply hit or kicked where I thought I could make the most damage. Sometimes the fights were 1-1 (and I won), but most often 3-5 bullies subdued me in the end - even if one or two of them were knocked out or otherwise neutralized by me. However, when I did win, I lost anyway, since I then got disciplined by teachers or other adults.

With time, I learned to control my temper, step aside, take the verbal abuse and light pushes, and not get in other people's way. I silently nurtured violent thoughts of torture, killing and financially ruining other people and all their reletives and friends. A muppet mindset; not taking action.

I was happy when I was alone, playing computer games or programming. Then, nobody could hit or mock me and I did things I was good at. I learned to focus, to concentrate, to think symbolically, to program with variables, mathematical principles and practical use and not least English.

When I was 12, I had a computerized database on my ZX Spectrum 48K of who had done what against me and what I considered a fair (i.e., excessive) punishment for the crime.

In school my way of not getting in the way was by doing my homework one week in advance and then rehearsing it again when it was time. That meant I always knew everything, never needed the teachers' help and also, most importantly, never needed to put my hand up or sit at the front of class, since I and the teachers knew that I knew the answer. A muppet. Superior in silence.

I applied the same muppet mindset to girls; never take action, never look too long, never make the first move. Well, actually I tried taking action (e.g., relentlessly pursued one particular girl for years) a couple of years between the ages of 15-18 but kept getting rejected and gave up. At work, I just made sure I came first, left last, always said yes to more tasks and made sure I completed them or collapsed, whichever came first. I literally worked around the clock, with a constant sleep deficit during 1994-1996.

I just wanted to be left alone, live in the shadow when around other people, and only really lived when I was alone. More than anything else, I wanted to sleep. But, inevitably, I got noticed for my diligence as well as intelligence.

I am still a muppet at heart, but since my muppet mindset led to focus, skills, learning, hard work and eventually both academic and material success, I turned into a muppet with power. Luckily I am not one of those who want to abuse newfound riches or power. I am still the same arc-walking, humble muppet that doesn't want to be in anybody's way. However, I have learned that I can express myself, almost my whole personality, without being in the way and that it actually is appreciated and even considered being more agreeable and less in the way than being a silent and shy weirdo.

I don't do gorilla morning exercises for increased testosterone like the always interesting and inspiring Mike at Danger & Play. I don't structure my thinking like the almost über menschen Tim Ferriss or Ludvig Sunström, who provide more intelligent and practical tips on efficiency in a week than I do in a lifetime.

Earlier, I might have wanted to or thought I wanted to, and would have tried following their regimes. (Actually, I encourage everybody to try it, to practice being focused, efficient, secure, calm and dominant without being hysterical or invasive)

But now I have come to terms with myself: I am a muppet with a muppet mindset and I am happy that way. Proud to be a muppet; happy, a little careful in social contexts, always thinking one extra time before voicing an opinion or taking action, but also quick to take cues for when I and my opinion are wanted and then opening up, knowing that I have a lot of value to offer, thanks to the physical proof 25 years in finance and in the gym has provided me with.

Self-confidence on top of the strong sense of self-esteem I enjoy in silence.

What I have learned over the years is the importance of accepting yourself, being yourself, knowing yourself. You should still try to be better, do more, develop, but it should always be in the direction of being more and better you, not somebody else. TRY at lot of different paths, give it a real good try, to make sure you give yourself a chance to find out who you are and what you like, what you can or should become, but if it feels wrong after several months or a year give it up.

I don't try to be or become something, I describe what I happen to be and what I have found out about myself and the world. If you can glean anything from my experience, I'm content, but don't copy me. Well, you are free to try for a while and see if it suits you. If not, go back to being Batman instead. Or a gorilla. Or a spreadsheet. Or a stack of pills.

2 kommentarer:

  1. Great article! I read you blog regularly and really enjoy it

    SvaraRadera
    Svar
    1. Thanks. Kind of you to say so. I appreciate it.

      Radera